What is it like to write a book about pornography?
Since publishing Bondage and Freedom: Escaping the Trap of Pornography, I have had some interesting, even awkward, conversations. I will be standing in a group, and someone will say, “Hey, I just read your book. It was really good.”
I usually respond with, “Thanks.” But I am thinking, which book, the one about missions or the one about pornography? When someone says they liked the book, I never know what they like, or what they are saying at that moment.
On the other hand, I have had some terrific conversations. People asking for help, confess addictions, and even tell how much the book has helped them fight for freedom. This is always encouraging.
A few times I have had people ask, “Why did you write this book? Why are you making such a big deal about porn?”
After telling the story behind the book, I talk about the real dangers of porn and the damage it does to people. Porn is not just a problem for religious people. Those who hate porn are not puritanical fundamentalists. In my book, I cite several pop-culture icons who, to my knowledge, are not religious at all.
First, comedian Chris Rock discussed how pornography destroyed his marriage. He says that his addiction to porn damaged his ability to interact with people in normal social contexts. He says, “When you watch too much porn, you know what happens? You become, like, sexually autistic. You develop sexual autism. You have a hard time with eye contact and verbal cues … You get desensitized.” He talks about missing appointments, being unable to look people in the eye, and struggling to have conversations.
It takes a lot of courage for a mega-star to publicly discuss how his addiction killed his relationships, his emotions, and ultimately ended his marriage. Props to Chris Rock. Want to know more about Chris Rock’s struggle and his thoughts, check them out here: https://fightthenewdrug.org/chris-rock-speaks-out-on-porns-harms/
Second, actor Russell Brand. In 2015, the Brand posted a video about the dangers of pornography and how all porn, even so-called “soft-core” porn hurts us. He was specifically talking about the 50 Shades of Gray movies. He said, “If I had total dominion over myself, I would never look at porn again.” He talked about how porn makes him think less of himself and of others. He says that his use of porn made him insensitive to the needs of others and his own needs. When others become objects, we love them less, and when we watch porn, we eventually think less of ourselves. You can see two videos by Russell Brad here: https://fightthenewdrug.org/russell-brand-reveals-why-he-chooses-not-to-watch-porn/
Thankfully both of these men seem to have broken free from the trap of pornography. Their struggles mirror the experiences of so many young men and women. This is one of the main reasons I have written bondage and freedom as a tool and a help for those who are struggling. Yes, it has led to more than a few awkward conversations, but the thrill of hearing how people are working to escape is worth it. The damage from pornography is real but the possibility of freedom is available.